Is anyone else tired of the condescending articles about what twenty-somethings don’t know? Or the unrealistic articles about what we’re like? Yeah. Here is a more accurate list:
1. You will give yourself pep talks to complete basic tasks. They will be long, and sometimes they will rhyme.
2. You will forget to buy toilet paper frequently. You will wipe your butt with paper towels more times than is really acceptable for an adult.
4. You will have deep and meaningful relationships with television characters.
5. You will discover skin-care products that CHANGE YOUR LIFE and you will tell your friends about them, in depth, on a daily basis until they kill you.
6. At least one family member will say something to you about your eggs. If you don’t have eggs, at least one family member will say something weird to you about someone you know with eggs.
7. You will read 800 condescending articles mostly written by the New York Times about what your generation is like.
8. You will start buying your family members real birthday presents.
9. You will like ordering sandwiches to your apartment. You will like answering the door in your underwear. Oh, that’s just me? My bad.
10. Your parents will learn to text. It will be hilarious.
11. You will have some sort of reaction to babies.
12. The Facebook statuses of your friends will primarily have to do with: student loans, brunch, cats, shared NYT articles, weddings, and looking for affordable housing in expensive cities.
13. The definition of “lunch” will expand to include any of the following: chips and salsa, beer, a bowl of roast potatoes, a loaf of Challah, coffee. The definition of “dinner” will expand, too. And breakfast.
14. You will get excited about magazines, swiffers, parking spaces, and pictures of Obama.
15. You will pee more.
16. Hangovers will no longer be solve-able with bacon sandwiches and grape juice.
17. Someone you love will be eaten by yoga. Or Pinterest.
18. You will learn new words and phrases like “bespoke,” “hamachi,” and “lease-change fee.”
19. Everything on Buzzfeed will be directly relevant to your life.
20. They will start making remakes of the remakes you watched as a kid.
21. You will experience existential doubt.
1. Hyperbole and a Half (hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/)
3. My actual Netflix.