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So this article on Top 10 reasons why you shouldn’t date a climber has been up in my newsfeed a bit today.

Beware of dating a climber.

This strangely seductive species lurks everywhere in Boulder (fortunately, they’re easy to spot. Note the hunched shoulders, over-developed lats and gnarly looking hands with twisted knuckles and desiccated skin). Here are the top five reasons why you shouldn’t date a climber guy or a climber girl.

It’s up on the website of the “DailyCamera” which is apparently a Boulder newspaper.  That is, it’s not in a climbing magazine, or climbing-specific publication. I feel like that’s worth noting, because the climbing community is usually pretty excellent about not being sexist.

However, this article relies on all sorts of sexist crap for it’s “humor.”

The full list is here, but I have summarized the listed reasons for you:

Reasons not to date a climber boy:

  • he’ll be flaky, especially when the weather is good.
  • he’ll really like sex, and you’ll be jealous because climber chicks are hot.
  • he’ll have no real job.
  • he’ll be obsessed with his weight to a degree that is annoying, and maybe steal your jeans.
  • he’ll be selfish.

Reasons not to date a climber girl:

  • other people you know have had their dick in her.
  • she’ll have high standards for the shape you keep yourself in.
  • she might climb better than you, which scares your manhood.
  • they’re all “psycho.”
  • she will let other men see her nice body.

Holy assumptions, male gaze, and treating women like trophies, Batman!

Most of the reasons not to date a climber guy are, in fact, pretty legit reasons not to date someone: flaky, unemployed, anorexic, and selfish.

The only one that isn’t is #2, which assumes women don’t like or don’t want sex, with an added bonus of normalizing crippling jealousy, which is unflattering on anyone of any sex.

100% of the reasons you should not date a climber girl are because you are actually an asshole. You’ll be jealous, you’ll resent having to stay in shape, you’ll be insecure, you’re the type of guy that calls women “psycho,” and to conclude, you’re jealous (again).

So yeah, maybe you should leave the climber girls alone.

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