A lot of you are worried about me and my people. It’s true that we queers have a lot of oppression on our plates. You’re right to try to help us with our problems. But this time, the tables are turned. This time, I’m going to help you.
You see, straights, I’m worried about you. Specifically, I’m worried about the sex you’re having. There are some things you’ve said to me that have me really concerned about your sex lives. So I’m staging an intervention. Sit down and listen while I tell you about some of the worrying things you’ve told me, and my advice for fixing your problems.
1. “How does lesbian sex even work?”
The first problem right off the bat is how othering this question is. You make lesbian sex sound like some mysterious cosmic phenomenon, like the gravitational distortion caused by black holes. I mean, how does that even work? Lesbian sex is really not that weird, it definitely doesn’t require a PhD in astrophysics, and it’s not my job to educate you on all things queer.
But there’s another problem here, because the truth is, if you don’t understand how lesbian sex works, then your heterosexual sex is missing some really fun and exciting stuff.