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(I was recently selling off some bike parts on Craigslist. I generally try and give my ads a little extra copy beyond the bare facts of what I’m selling, and I thought this one was funny. Enjoy! And talk about biking in the comments!)

Picture 124

Embryonic fixie awaits your love, will win her heart – $20 (48cm steel frame with fork) 

Naked steel frame, with fork. Bought it a while back to build up into a city bike, but first it needed stripped and painted. I stripped it, and painted the fork the prettiest damn shade of blue you ever did see.

Howeva… I didn’t get around to painting the frame. It’s just been taking up space on my shelf in my closet behind my drums* from high school and my snowboard* and my dignity*.

I have no idea what the make on it is, it was a former fixie some hipster sold me when the paint was already in pretty bad shape. The frame itself is fine though. I also have some 27″ wheels that were chalked for this project. $10 for the pair of wheels.

This could be for you! You can win your own heart! Practice self-care! Thank yourself for treating your body well and biking! Namaste! Or it could be your girlfriend, the cutest, shyest country girl you ever did see. (She’d barely unbuckled her bible belt when she landed at [my university] but she’s getting there and promises to tell her mother about you, like really soon.) 

Or it could be for your girlfriend, but you are a boy! Your girlfriend is wicked cool, of course, and while you’re gonna paint it up for her, the real present is a bike she gets to build herself. Bitches love the sense of mastery they get from assembling something practical and functional with their own hands!** Or it could be for your girlfriend, and you are a boy, and your girl isn’t really all that into bikes but it’d be nice if you could at least ride from campus to the movies together! on the bike you’re gonna build her! Bitches love it when guys are thoughtful.***

(If it absolutely totally matters to anyone, in the department of not being offended by my use of the word bitches, I’m female.)

* I sold that shit too, but you get the idea. Also it’s actually in the basement, not in the closet. Dignity is still in storage ’till the divorce gets finalized. If you are the hella cute hipster boy in the plaid shirt working at Performance Bike today, who fake-sympathized with me when I brought my commuter in to get the tube on the rear tire changed (b/c let’s be serious, changing that shit is a pain in the ass and right this today I’d rather pay you ten dollars than wrestle with it) but anyway, you were like “yeah, you have to have really strong hands [to get the tire off].” Dude, I rock climb. I have strong enough hands. But if you want to make out, go ahead and reply to this cause you were cute enough that if you can speak intelligently that’d be baller but if you can’t then I’m content for you to just not be speaking while… stuff.

** That’s a little long to be catchy, but I think you get the idea.

*** People of all genders like this in their partners, actually.