“Tone policing” is one of those phrases feminists throw around in the hopes that you’ll google it yourself if you haven’t heard of it before. Much has been written about what it is and why it’s busted, all easily accessible at your fingertips thanks to the glories of the internet.
Essentially, “tone policing” or the “tone argument” is the practice of responding to an argument by focusing on the way it was said, instead of the actual issue it addresses. Often, it derails the whole conversation, distracting from something that was usually pretty important.
Lucreta identifies two types of tone policing: “I agree with you, but I think you could have phrased it better,” and “I would agree with you if you phrased it better.”
Let’s talk about how these two are different, and what you can do instead:
“I would agree with you if you’d phrased it better” Continue reading