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Disrupting Dinner Parties

~ Feminism is for everyone!

Disrupting Dinner Parties

Tag Archives: feminism

The loneliness of being a feminist

13 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by ddpguestposter in Dating, Empowerment

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

dating, feminism, loneliness

This guest post was written by Suzannah Weiss and originally published at her blog, DWF (Dating While Feminist). It is republished with permission here because we think it’s awesome.  For more cool posts, check out more of Suzannah’s work here!

After Scott Aaronson’s confession of the isolation and shame he felt as a male nerd and Laurie Penny’s response about the social isolation of female nerds, I thought I’d add something to the discussion about the isolation of being a feminist.

As I’ve gotten surer of my feminist beliefs and feminism has become a greater part of my life, I’ve felt a progressively stronger need to censor myself. When coworkers ask what I’ve been doing outside of work, I leave out anything about my feminist book club or other feminist organizations I’ve been involved with. If my writing comes up in conversation with someone I don’t know too well, I say something very vague about what topics it addresses. I am always on guard, fretting over how much information to give out and how to spin it to avoid being coined the Feminazi.

Let me tell you how I developed this fear of the Feminazi label.

I developed this fear over the course of many scarring interactions that made it clear I could not expect my relationships to be the same after I expressed my feminist sympathies.

It comes from the college friend who told me “You’re not going to become an angry feminist now, are you?”

It comes from the boyfriend who told me feminists have an anger complex that usually comes from being abused.

It comes from an extremely liberal friend I assumed was a feminist until she said “No, I’m a people person, so I don’t want to associate myself with a group that antagonizes anyone.”

It comes from the boyfriend who told me I was “aggressively wary” for pointing out a double standard in a movie.

It comes from the Tinder user who responded to my unsuspecting “hello” with “Are you feminist? That’s mean. Do you not like boys?”

It comes from the OKCupid user who said, “You don’t want a man with balls, do you?”

It comes from the commenters who left threats when I published an article about sexists on online dating sites.

It comes from the coworker who turned to me and said “Come on” when I called out another coworker for advocating pickup artist tactics.

It comes from the coworker who said “I’m not having this conversation” and left the room when I tried to point out that something he said objectified women.

It comes from the crush who laughed when I told him about my feminist book club.

Cumulatively, these experiences have taught me I am not safe expressing my views. They have taught me to bite my tongue. And they have taught me to be careful about the people I trust and the people I choose as friends and romantic partners. When I was younger and less developed as a feminist, I could befriend or date anyone reasonably progressive. Now, I need people I can be myself around – and that’s not everyone.

It has been comforting to hear from others whose feminism has distanced them from people they once depended on.

As feminism gets more important to me, I’m learning how to craft a community intentionally rather than following whoever recruits me to their friend group. I’ve sought out meetups, clubs and organizations where people share my values. It’s less convenient but ultimately more rewarding.

If you’re experiencing the loneliness of being a feminist, know that others are feeling the same way, and maybe reach out to them. So many of us are feeling this loneliness, you wouldn’t think we’d be lonely. But the people who have cut off the reach of our feminism have also made it harder for us to reach one another. It’s difficult for feminists to meet when we don’t identify ourselves.

The best solutions I’ve found are to be deliberate about who I spend my time with, to treat this collection of people as my support system, and to listen carefully for others who might want to be a part of this community. It may take a while for the topic to be broached, but if I slowly ease into the conversation, listen for signs of feminist sympathies, and get increasingly specific as these signs accrue, a huge wave lifts when I finally feel safe to use the word “feminist” and the word is met with welcoming and acceptance rather than shaming and rejection.

National Museum of Women in the Arts

03 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by Lady Bee in Education, Empowerment, Events, Gender

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Event Review, feminism

NMWA pic

Nothing is as invigorating, inspiring and delightful as an art exhibit. For me growing up, each museum trip was a chance to explore the world, across time and cultures. One of my favorite museums in DC – 1250 New York Ave, NW to be exact – is the National Museum for Women in the Arts. Founded in 1987, the museum has committed itself to representing and displaying solely the art of women. The collection includes over 4,500 pieces. From classic – Mary Cassatt – to contemporary – Chakaia Booker – there is an artistic appeal for everyone.

 And the best part…every FIRST Sunday from 12pm-5pm, the museum is FREE!!

  Continue reading →

An All-American Road Trip

12 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by Lady Bee in Education, Empowerment, Media

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Activism, feminism, identity, personal histories

images (11)

Happy New Year everyone! I love this time of year because despite the fact that many beginnings may end – that promise to go to the gym or give up sweets – some promises and ideals stick. I think there may be something magical, not so much with the first of the year, which in actuality is like any other day, but the idea of a beginning. A beginning is an adventure, an opportunity. So it gives me great pleasure to share with you a beginning that will hopefully touch each of us soon. This beginning is being initiated by this awesome lady who has decided to invoke on a physical and intellectual journey across America to ask a question that is near and dear to this blog: What is feminism? I love this, and other kinds of questions of this nature, because I can be sure that my answer may not match the person’s next to me, which gives the answer to a question like “what is feminism” depth and life and purpose.

So without further a due, I will let the words of this awesome lady speak for herself about her project.

 

Continue reading →

Wikipedia, part IV: Talk pages

06 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by Barbie in Empowerment, Media

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

edit war, feminism, talk page, Wikipedia

Happy 2015, disruptors!  Start your year off the right way by fucking around on the internet.

We’ve already gone over why editing Wikipedia is a social justice issue and touched on some of the emotional hurdles in the path of awesome people who want to take this on.  Today we are going to discuss how to use talk pages in Wikipedia.  I feel this follows nicely from our last topic, Wiki’s hidden pages, because Talk pages are one of Wiki’s most important features that are hidden in plain site (ba-dum pshhhhhh).

When you go to an article in Wikipedia, there are two tabs at the top Left of the screen: one for the “Article” page, the place where the article itself can be found, and a page next to it that says “Talk.”  You may find it helpful to open the page and click with me as we go:

Main page of Wikipedia "Feminism" article

Click to enlarge, but press the back button to return to this page because I’m not tech savvy enough to make this pop up in a new window.

Continue reading →

Speaking Up

21 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by Hex in Empowerment, Harassment, Misogyny, Rape Culture, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

feminism

cw: harassment, rape mention

I’ll never forget the first time I decided to stand up against street harrassment.

It started on the metro platform. She looked about my age, late teens or early twenties. She was alone. I saw him sidle up to her, heard him shout a comment about the shape of her ass. She scooted away and gripped her bag more closely. When the train came, he followed her on. I was sitting in the first row of seats; they were standing at the front of the car. He asked her if she had a boyfriend. She turned away, tried to pretend he wasn’t there despite him standing right against her back. He told her he wanted to take her home, started listing the things he’d do. She looked pleadingly at the other passengers. They avoided her eyes.

streetharassment3

Imagine this but in a dim, crowded train full of people pretending it’s not happening.

 

Continue reading →

Can you ID me?

10 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by Lady Bee in Empowerment, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

feminism, identity, Privilege, racism, society misconceptions

Yesterday, I got out of work early, and was convinced to go to a karaoke bar in Adams Morgan. While waiting to pay for a drink, a woman commented on my bag – a black cloth tote with a beaded gold elephant.

“That is an awesome bag you have! You are so trendy! Did you know that elephants are auspicious?” random lady stranger said.

“Oh thank you. And really? That’s good to know.” I replied. What I thought was, yes, I know that and I have an elephant tattoo, but I don’t particularly want to discuss that. Then, as we nodded good bye, I thought about what this random stranger must see me as, a young twenty-something girl, with a “trendy” style and a fan of singing.

untitled (22)

Pretty much, I was questioning the social practice of identification. How do you identify yourself? How do others identify you? People categorize other people all the time. Have you ever people watched at a café? Checked out someone while in line? Overheard a conversation on the elevator? In order to make sense of those situations, we make quick inventories of the people we are observing and identify them accordingly. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of that, but its important to be aware what our automatic categorization could be doing to propagate stifling or marginalizing mechanisms, or awesome and empowering ones!

First, let me introduce myself.  (And another awesome post about labels and identity).

Continue reading →

9 Sara Barreilles Empowerment Songs besides “Brave”

03 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by Rebecca Flin in Empowerment, Media, Music, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

bottle it up, chasing the sun, empowerment, feminism, gonna get over you, hercules, king of anything, little black dress, love song, lyrics, machine gun, media, sara barreilles, say you're sorry

Over a year ago Sara Barreilles release Brave, a song that was inspired by watching her friend struggle with coming out as gay. The song has had great success on the radio, and it’s no surprise: it’s catchy, feel-good, positive and uplifting. In case you have been living under a rock, you should check it out:

“Say what you want to say. And let the words fall out. Honestly, I want to see you be brave”

Brave, is a song explicitly about empowerment, encouraging others to be speak up for themselves and be what they want to be. It’s an empowerment “anthem” (because you have to call it an anthem, apparently) that actually acknowledges that empowerment is a process that requires courage.

Brave is not the first ‘empowerment’ song Sara Barreilles has written by any means. It’s just that Sara’s songs are not usually written so explicitly about empowerment. Usually, they are written with empowerment woven seamlessly into them.

Continue reading →

#likeagirl

01 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Lady Bee in Empowerment

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

feminism, identity, respect, society misconceptions

Every so often, I am surprised by the integrity and thought provoking-ness of commercials, which usually focus on objectification, materialism and acquisition. I am talking about the Always advertisement #likeagirl, which interviews girls from age 6 to girls in their late teens of what it means to do actions – run, throw, fight – like a girl. It is a powerful video that reaches beyond the superficiality of most commercials to push and prod at one of the most basic and unyielding stereotypes of being a girl: that girls are physically inferior, lack self-esteem and as a result, must re-adapt and question their identity.

Continue reading →

The Pitfalls of Being A Teenage Feminist

01 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by ddpguestposter in Gender

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

feminism, teen

This is a guest post by Sam Manzella. 

The ultimate irony in the world of feminism is that the very act of identifying as a feminist is controversial. Forget the message, the movement, the manifestos: people hear the world “feminist” and promptly close their ears. Feminism has taken on a dirty, negative connotation.

What prevents people from joining this progressive movement is the connotation that comes along with it. We all want equal pay for men and women. We all want equal rights for men and women. However, we all share a fear of being frowned upon or mocked for our convictions.

Sadly, being a “feminist” often comes with some backlash. I know this well; as a loud and proud feminist in real life and on social media platforms, I often end up being the butt of someone’s joke. In my small-town high school environment, people who defend social issues are hard to come by–and even harder to come by are those who do so unapologetically. I try to surround myself like-minded individuals: for instance, my close friend Nadine, whose unabashed feminism and vigilant consciousness of social justice has always inspired me. I’m lucky to have a small group of friends whose values align with my own. However, my friends and I inevitably encounter people who aren’t so supportive of our ideals.

The funny thing about being a teenage feminist is that I often find myself defending my beliefs before I’ve even had the chance to articulate them. The preconceived notion of what a feminist should look like, should say, and should believe precedes me. I’m faced not with receptive ears and curious questions, but instead with juvenile accusations. “Oh, preaching about feminism again!” “God, you’re so serious! We’re just kidding. Can’t you just take a joke?” “No one’s ever gonna listen to you if you keep preaching like that all the time.” “Oh, get off your self-righteous high horse: being a feminist doesn’t make you better or wiser than anyone else!” “You just hate men!” “Stop shoving your beliefs down my throat. Sexism isn’t a real problem.”      Continue reading →

Words that move me

06 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by Lady Bee in Communication, Empowerment

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

beauty, feminism, identity, language

The written and spoken word are the essence of power. This week, I have been especially inspired by the awe-some and complex worlds that artists of the word have created. I do not want to talk about why the word is amazing or how beautiful, wrenching or clarifying it is; I believe that to be self-evident. I also need not go on about how such texts should be read on the daily, in order to return to us our humanity and point of perspective. Instead I humbly put forth three poems, by three master women poets, which have moved me. They are “It was not Death, for I stood up” by Emily Dickinson, “Mock Orange” by Louise Gluck, and “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. I encourage you to take this Friday to reflect. Read the poems once, or twice or read one of the poems five times. I hope they inspire you as much as they have me. If you know of any more poems that should be read, please feel free to add them. Without further ado…

untitled (19)

Continue reading →

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